FORGIVENESS PART 2
When I flew to St. Louis last week to meet Cindy Winters and interview her for a PBS show on, “Trusting God in the Darkest Places” I’m not sure what I expected. I knew the bare bones of her story. I knew that on a Sunday morning in March, 2009 a gunman walked into the early service in First Baptist, Maryville, Illinois, walked up the aisle to the platform where Fred Winters was speaking, pulled out a gun and shot him point blank in the chest. The gunman then tried to take his own life but was taken down by two men in the congregation. Fred was pronounced dead at the local hospital. He left behind his wife, Cindy and two girls, Alysia and Cassidy.
I’m not sure what I expected but I know what I was afraid of. I may offend some of you by this but hang with me if you will. I was afraid that this might be one more story where a Christian feels obliged to appear “triumphant” in the face of an unspeakable tragedy. I have interviewed many people over my years in broadcasting who seemed to feel that they should skip over the pain of life and get to the good news. I believe with all my heart that ultimately God brings good out of evil but no one escapes scar free. I have stood beside a friend as she buried her child. There are no words for that kind of pain. I nursed my mother-in-law through the last stages of liver cancer. She did not want to die and at times she was afraid. All I could do was hold her and weep with her. So I wondered how Cindy would be and were we simply invading her life, re-opening a wound for a thirty minute show?
I don’t know what I expected but here is a little of what I received.
She is beautiful and very funny.
She is heartbreakingly honest.
She misses her husband and is lonely.
She has great girlfriends who stick to her side like glue.
She has no answers for why God let this happen or desire for them. “What good would they do, Fred would still be gone.”
She still attends that church every Sunday morning. “The gunman took my husband but I’m not letting him take my church family too.”
She has a passionate devotion to Christ.
She has two very cool daughters that she did not want to be on camera which I totally supported. However we clicked so much on so many levels they chose to be part of it.
I asked her about the statement she made a week after the shooting on a CBS morning show where she said that she forgave the gunman and prayed for his family. She told me that the first mention of it in their home was from Cassidy, the younger of the two girls. Cassidy told her mom, “We need to pray that this man finds Jesus.”
Cindy told me that she chose to forgive so that she could begin to walk out of the prison of pain she was in. It didn’t make anything that happened that day okay but it allowed her to chose to live again. She bought her girls necklaces with little boxing gloves on them to remind them that at times life is a battle but they are strong. On the anniversary of Fred’s murder they planted a tree in their yard, a tangible picture that out of broken things, life begins again.
It was an honor to spend a couple of days with Cindy, Alysia, Cassidy their friends and a very large lizard named Gloria.
To read some of Cindy’s thoughts visit
www.graceandhopeministries.org
“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
I came out of a church that was very much just pretend everything is fine and dont feel what you are feeling. Thank you for sharing this story and I look forward to seeing the show. Cindy and her daughters are beautiful and very inspiring to read about! God bless and keep you and the Winters family.
They are quite a family with such a strong awareness of the love of God
This a truly a family that loves the Lord with all of their hearts, and have the true love of God in their lives. Forgiveness is a powerful word and to be Christ like we must practice this daily. Having the full love of God can allow it to take root in our heart..
You are right Joanie-forgivness is an ongoing discipline for us
Wow… Do you have any idea when that interview will air???
It will air sometime in January-I'll post dates when i have them:)
I agree that Cindy is an incredible FORGIVING GODLY example for all of us and I also agree with all the statements you said about her even though I don't know her extremely well!! I'm anxiously awaiting to see the TV show since I was BLESSED to be one of the "extras" in the yard!! SHEILA–I consider it a privilege to have been there and to have seen YOU–up close and in person!! I have GREATLY admired you for several years for your honesty/vulnerability and have seen you at at least 3 WOF conferences–I'm thinking about coming to KC in Nov.!! I took a few pictures and have been VERY excited to share them on Facebook and with friends/family since last week!! Thanks for signing your 3 books for me, also!! Can't wait to read them and give "God's Little Princess" to my two nieces!!
In Christ, Gina (John's sister/Amy's sister-in-law–friends of Cindy's that have stuck by her like glue)
Thanks Gina-it was such a joy to meet you all-what a family of believers:)
I am part of First Baptist Church Maryville, Il. Sometimes when I miss Pastor Fred so much I cry, I think of Cindy, Alysia, and Cassidy and I know my pain does not even compare to theirs and pray for them. They are such a blessing and inspiration to our church. To see them attend church and smile and laugh makes us realize that we will get through this with God's help. Thank you, Sheila, for taking your time to interview Cindy. She was an amazing woman before all this and we continue to see God's work in our church family because of her.
Carolyn
Forgiveness is a very tough thing for me. I can't tell you the admiration I have for people who are able to truly forgive someone who has caused them the worst pain imaginable. While the pain I carry with me seems so small compared to what this mother and her daughters have experienced, I have such a hard time with forgiving then men who molested me. My memories begin when I was 4 and I told no one until I was 18. Recently, I had to switch churches because a guy in my church is facing sex offender charges and after multiple panic attacks while being in church, I stared seeing church as an unsafe place to be. It seems so often that people are always talking about offender rights and victims are left to adjust accordingly. I am sure that not being able to forgive is a huge step I need to take to be able to release the pain I carry, I just don't know how. Thanks, Sheila, for sharing this story. I really needed to hear it. I needed to see that people with much greater pain can forgive and it gives me hope that I, too, can get there!
Jessie, I understand and I am very sorry. This should NEVER have happened to you!
It was when I realized that part of forgiveness is a release of my expectations of someone who was incapable of giving me what I needed – acknowledgment of the truth – that I began to heal.
I think that one reason why the King (in the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 28) forgave the servant was because he knew the servant was incapable of repaying the debt. It was easier to forgive that debt than it was to have it be a continual nag – most likely made worse since the King saw him all the time. I then realized that even if my abuser paid me a million dollars every day, it still wouldn't be enough… and that my only choice was to forgive, and to acknowledge that I have forgiven every time it tried to nagged at me again. For me forgiveness relieves me from the burden of trying to recover the irrecoverable debt of damages that were owed to me. Freedom!
I am praying for God to comfort you! I believe God's comfort brings value to our pain. I honestly think God uses our painful things more than the beautiful things. And in 2 Corinthians 1, we are told to comfort others with the comfort God has given us. That does not make what happened all right! But, we know that we aren't the exceptions in this world. There are many people who need to have someone come along side and say, 'I understand. I'm sorry. This should never have happened to you!' You can say this better than most, because you know it is true. Because of this, there is some use for that pain.
Oh Sheila…I have been to so many WOF events in Philadelphia and you so inspire me. I have now read this blog on forgiveness…for good reason. My dad, who has been my very best friend in the world all my life was outside his home in VA on 12/21/09 enjoying the snow when he slipped on ice and fell, hitting his head. Through that horrid night as I was at work in NJ, the calls kept coming informing me of what was happening at the hospital with my dad. At 3:30am they removed the ventilator. At 4:40pm the following afternoon, my dad was gone. 3 days before both of our favorite day of the year. 10 days after having visited with me for a wonderful 3 weeks. Exactly two months prior to my birthday (2/22) and 10 months to the day after having had a very massive heart attack that should have left him dead.
The pain, loss, devastation etc.I have experienced on this journey at times have almost robbed me of breathing air…or at least felt very much like that. The consolitory comments that "my dad's in a better place" have on more than one occasion felt like sharp barbs reminding me more that he is no longer here with us. To wrestle with the why's, the unthinkables, and the knowledge that at least God permitted this freak accident to be the vehicle bringing my dad home had left me with such anger towards God. I've had a strong faith all of my life…in part due to my father leading me to Jesus as a little girl…but suddenly this loss brought places inside of me I didn't know I had. How could God allow this? Why? How could He?? Just before Christmas? Just why? I almost had made up my mind that at some point I was going to have to "forgive God". Wow, risky business huh?
In truth, today, I know this is not the case. It's more about a process of healing and acceptance and choosing one second at a time to trust in a sovereign God who knows what He's doing with His creation-including my dad-! I'm just beginning to REALLY let God in again-to show up with my big bag of junk and say, "alright, here I am, now what?" I'm compelled to look deeper at those who have loved and lost so unfairly, so tragically. The one collective truth is that none of us who are attempting to walk this grief journey in faith have received magical words. All of us have had to battle, all of us have had to choose and choose again…to hang on in the moments that are utterly unbearable…to sit in the pool of being aquainted with grief and allow it to be….but not alone….
Thank you Sheila for sharing this story…thank you for graciously reaching out to so many for the glory of God's kingdom. My thoughts and prayers are with the Winters family. (*sorry so may comments…it wouldn't take in one shot*)
Wow,I admire Mr.Jackson! He was the most talented to ever do it! We will never ever have someone like him! RIP to the KING!