Strengths or weaknesses-where do you focus?
Every Friday for the next few months, Marcus Buckingham and I get to spend the day with several thousand women in an arena somewhere near you:) www.womenoffaith.com/imagine.
In his nearly two decades as a Senior Researcher at Gallup Organization, Marcus studied the world’s best managers and organizations to investigate what drives great performance. This year, with Women Of Faith, Marcus is teaching from his book, ‘Find Your Strongest Life’.
In his first session he asks this question;
“If your child came home from school with a report card that had 3 ‘A’s, 2 ‘B’s and 1 ‘F’, where would you focus your attention?”
More than 80% of us apparently, would hone in on the ‘F’ like an eagle going after a rabbit.
I wonder what message that send to our children? Rather than looking at where they learn best and what their strengths are we become preoccupied with where they are falling short. the discussion around the dinner table is where they need to improve.
It seems to me then that we carry that on into adulthood.
We carry that into our relationship with Christ.
We live under the shadow of where we fail rather than where we shine.
As you look at your own life today, are you more preoccupied with what you need to improve or are you able to enjoy the gifts that God had given you?
This is not about patting ourselves on the back but rather celebrating that God gives us each gifts to bring to the table and that’s a good thing.
Sure, with our kids, we need to take a look at the ‘F’ but only after we have spent some time recognizing and throwing a party over the gift of every ‘A’ or ‘B’ or ‘C’!
love this! a fabulous affirmation to living joyful lives in Christ. as the body of course we are going to get Fs on some things that are the work of another body part. keeping our ego out of it, and serving in our best capacity we allow everyone to shine as part of His church and body
That's it Michelle-then we all bring who we are to serve!!
Thanks Crystal-I really feel this is a message that every parent needs to hear as you are right, we carry it into our adult lives
Yikes! I answered honestly, and yep…I would've gone straight for the 'F' with my girl! I focused a lot on her grades in elementary school. She hated school, so we ended up homeschooling her from 6th grade on. We chose not to administer grades except for in math — it figures she hated math with a passion and avoided it whenever she could. My bad!
I remember she went through a phase in high school where she felt like perhaps she wasn't truly saved, even though she believed in Christ! Her failures were, to her, some horrible sign that she wasn't "the elect." I was horrified by that line of thinking, so her crisis was a wakeup call for me, and began my own journey out of legalism. My husband had already escaped (resigning from a paid staff position — and membership — at a church we'd served at for several years), and thankfully knew how to minister God's love to her and help her to see God for who He really is: loving, patient, merciful, lavishing grace on us.
She loves God so much, knowing that she's accepted in Christ, "warts and all," as we all are — BECAUSE of Jesus, not our selves. He doesn't focus on our failures, so why do we?
Great post — thanks, Sheila!!
Thanks Michelle-I totally get why you would have gone for he 'F', we are raised to focus on what is not working but praise God he loves us just the way we are:)
For me, I tend to be the person who focuses more on the failures I have done…even if they aren't a real big deal…and lose sight of the gifts, talents, callings God has placed in me and in my life…to the point that I have forgotten what those are. Thanks for this encouraging word/post Sheila as it opens my eyes to the fact that I need to pay less attention on the failings…yet don't stop improving…and pay more attention to the giftings I have.
i think many of us do that as women Jodi, we are so hard on ourselves-but to God, we are treasures!!
I can tell you've been hanging out with Marcus. Hope I get to see you two in action!
you need to come hang with us at an event Lindsey!!
Such great wisdom here.
This is a good reminder for me as I homeschool, for the first time, my jr high and high schooler this year. I think if I, we, worry about what we’re doing wrong we won’t succeed in it. So I’ll try very hard on what we’re doing well at and let that shape us as I also look at the weak areas and refine those. Looking forward to WOF in Portland, OR soon!
Thanks Tam-I look forward to meeting you in Portland!
Great post! If people only believed in the gifts God gave them the world would lack no good things.
So true Billy. We often minimize our gifts because they don't always have the curb appeal of others
Growing up my dad really focused on where we fell short instead of praising our achievements. I always hated that. Imagine my dismay when I realized I’m family into the same pattern with my children. God, give me the strength & wisdom to break the cycle.
I'll join you in that prayer Melissa. I understand how hard it is to break patterns that play like old tapes in our head but you can do this with God's grace
Wow Sheila..seems you always get right where we need to go..I geel that I focus on weakness.but now with this thought..will change my thoughts. Thanks for always being an encouragement to us. I do believe what you said as we carry it into our adult lives..maybe we can change that for our children. God Bless you always Sheila.. Have a great day!!
Thanks Kim….I geely mean that:)
Above that word should be feel not geel sorry !
Thanking God for typo-grace:)
I tend to focus on my strengths. If I focused on my weaknesses, I'd be way too busy! So I just work on what the Lord gave me and use those things to bring Him glory.
I was in Dallas this weekend and heard Marcus speak. He was fascinating and has a much needed message for us as Women of Faith.
Sheila, just want to let you know that YOU are the main reason I traveled to Dallas this past weekend. I missed you in Shreveport—–Your topics ALWAYS hit me head on and I enjoyed listening to disc 1,2 and 3 of "When a Woman Trusts God" on the drive home!
Wow-thanks so much Jan. That means the world to me:)
For me as I work with children I tend to easily see the "A's" in them and for them. It's much harder for myself. As a child I tried my best but had a mother who constantly told me that I not only deserved an "F" but that I am an 'F". It's taking a whole lot of prayer and healing to get to the place where I can focus on the positive in me. Step by step…..I'm getting there.
I thank God daily for the great friends that He has given me as well as the fantastic "teachers" in my life such as you Sheila, Kathy Troccoli, Beth Moore,and Lisa Whelchel to name a few.
I'm not a famous dancer, speaker, singer or anyone that people would probably even pick out of a crowd. I'm just an ordinary lady who realizes that I desperately need to cling daily to my amazing God and Saviour who loves me for reasons I can never fathom or understand.
Thanks for your love and support as I journey.
Blessings to you.
hugs,
Marlene
Thank you so much for your comments Marlene. I am so sorry that you didn't receive the love and encouragement as a child that you should have but I thank God that you have good friends and others who love you now. We are all on this journey together:)
Your words of encouragement mean alot. Thank you for them.
I usually focus on what I need to improve. I brush off things that I don't have to work at. I'll get a compliment and I tend to "Oh golly gee it" rather than thanking the Lord. Talents that come easy for me I tend to take for granted. I'm learning to live within the strengths that God has given me by offering them to others and by learning to say thank you.
I totally relate to that. I sloughed off kind comments for years until a friend called me on it. Thanks for your input!
Dag nabbit good stuff you wphirpesnappers!
Wonderful post! Thank you…..
Thank you Robbie!
Hi Sheila,
I don’t know if you remember me. I wrote to you last summer. I have seen you for years at women of faith conferences and last summer when I was getting balanced, I wrote to you an email. I never got a personal reply. Last year at the conference I prayed for an Imit. I was getting over some of my mania from my bipolar, and I really wanted to meet you. On my birthday (JULY 22) this year I thought God answered that prayer. But she hasn’t really come around except from the beginning…her name is Donna. Anyways, I just wanted to say hi and I pray that we will meet one day this side of heaven
I am writing my lifestory (FAITH in the Midst of Illness) for the WOF writing contest. Please pray for me 
Thanks! Sweet Missy Sue
Growing up in school I was a hard worker. I had to work hard. I had a speech problem and learned to read mostly by sight. But I always made good marks and got caught up by the 4th grade in reading. I was always an B+ to A+ student and perfection for me was something I strived for. My dad would reward me by taking me out for a special daddy, daugther date to get ice cream at Steak and Shake or something special. I was rewarded for my good grades in school, but was not motivated by the incentive (of ice cream in this case) but because I wanted to do my best. Being a perfectionist was very hard and to this day I consider that a weakness of mine.
But when reading what Marcus is going to be talking on (and next year I'll see you both in Columbus, Ohio in April) for the Women of Faith Imagine Conference, I can relate, but sometimes can't. You see, my older brother Jason is a very smart guy. But he had his problems with ADD in elementary school and sometimes because of a muscular condition that he has, would get lower grades. He was smart though. My brother has poor handwriting. Let's say that my brother received a F in handwriting. But it wasn't his fault. He was born with a condition where his motor skills don't work well. He did however do well in art and is a great drawer to this day. The teacher would fail him in one of his weaknesses (like writing, english, grammar), but suppose that teacher doesn't praise him or acknowledge his strengths in art for example. He would feel like a failer. Now on the other hand I am very good at writing, english, and grammar. What if the teacher praised me on my writing skills, but failed to recognized that I was at least trying in art class, even though I wasn't the best. I agree with Marcus, we need to praise our children's strengths.
I am not a mom yet, but I would love to help my child pursue his or her gifts and talents….to follow his/her dreams and passions (and what that child is naturally gifted at!)
Just thinking about my comments that I wrote a few days ago makes me want to cry, humbles me, and makes me want to "SHOUT!!" at other people (especially tired, or worn out teachers who are burnt out!) and awaken them to see the positive in every student, in every weakness, in every frustration that our children have to go through in this sin cursed world in order to "think" they have to fit into the "world's definition of godliness (which in itself is sin) and goodness in order to love freely, live lively, and have a life that is filled with Joy, contentment and focus! Praise God that we don't have to live under the world's definition of success.
Sheila,
Thanks for your prayers. I met my "IMIT!" today. Her name is Donna. She is a blessing already and our lives are so simliar, yet different in some ways. She prayed with me today and I was blessed. I could not have imagined that the Lord was going to bless me in this way with an IMIT that would be so God sent. I am really praising God for His blessing to me. Last year in Columbus I cried to the Lord because I was sad that I wanted children. I just cried out last week, "why don't you bless me Lord?" Now I feel the Lord is really pressing on my heart to wait on Him and to rest in Him. Patsy said this year that we should limit our word count. That is hard to do but I am praying. God has blessed me beyond what I can even dare, hope, or imagine. I never really understood God's love and I am humbled by it because growing up I was loved, but was so loved, that I never felt loved. I never knew love. God is blessing me beyond what I can ask. He is calling me to places where I may not want to go, am scared to go, but I keep pressing on to Him who loves me. Rest. Trust. Obey! Go!
Sheila, thanks for being so patient with me for the photo op Friday — Take 1, Take 2, Take 3. (I'm the one who had brain surgery) . I posted it on my FaceBook page! Wonderful messages — you have a great insight on the Word.
I am SO grateful for all I heard on this subject this wknd at WOF…Thank You Sheila for reiterating it here(can it be reiterating when you blogged this before I heard about the subject in Spokane? hmmm) I have been praying for the redemption of my family, my marriage and my life for a long time now…I have also been following God on a path that I cannot see, for reasons I don't understand, back to school! Much of what was said here and in Spokane is very affirming, God is moving me in the gifts He has given me…I may not know why, but, I will just keep moving one foot after the other…and maybe if I can find ways to use those gifts, to offer my strengths in daily life, it will give me the added strength/energy I need to keep moving!
BTW…I sure wish I had made it to one of the times you were signing on the concourse…didn't need an autograph…would have loved to meet you and get a hug. I have been so touched by what God has had to say through you and your life!
By His Grace Alone…
HI Sheila…
I was at WOF in Denver. I LOVED hearing you speak on Friday and Sat!!! You are amazing!!! I admire you and was changed by your teaching! Be blessed…you are a blessing to MANY!!! God shines bright in all you do!!! THANK YOU for your words of wisdom and insight into TRUST…it was just what I needed to hear. -Alisha
Thanks for this passage. It is so amazing. My parents hardly encouraged me when I got straight As, but whenever my marks were sliding they would be really worried. Yeah, it is so even now. Certainly, their intent is good and I understand they care abt me. However, unconciously I have been so discouraged since I was young. As what u mentioned earlier, I carried this irrational feeling in work, study and even in my relationship with God.
Now, I know that something is wrong deep inside. I would work on it and pray.
Bless you Sheila,
Taking a 10 min. break & just wanted to thank you for sharing your heart with me (us at WOF conf.) this past weekend. I needed to be refreshed so I took a mini-vacation with a bunch of radical women for God and as I heard you, I thanked God for you. I am no one to tell you, but from one sister to another I will tell you that "this too shall pass". You and Marcus gave me such insight, I thank you and appreciate you very much.
Thank you Daughter of Heaven you are precious.
Holding Fast In Him,
Odelia
Hi Sheila. This is the first time I read your blog and yes, this one hit me straight to my heart. I want to remember this all the time especially now that my little boy is growing up. It helps too with my relationships. Thanks Sheila, you're a beautiful blessing this morning.