Trust…the forgotten wound
TRUST…the forgotten wound
Trust is an interesting study. It’s something we do more than we realize and it has it’s own learning curve. For example, few of us on entering a building ask to see the building permits before we sit down-we just assume the roof will reman in place until we are out again. They always have before so we are fairly confident that they will do so again
In relationships, trust is more complicated.
In relationships, trust has to be built over time…(if we are at all healthy)
When I was at Fuller Seminary in California I went on a blind date with a guy who before we were through the main course wanted to know if I would be willing to have children with him. I assured him that after that question, I wasn’t even willing to have coffee with him:)
But what about trusting God? If you had asked me, even 2 years ago what I believe is the greatest gift we can give God, I would have said to love Him. Today I would say to trust Him, because trust is what love looks like. But I’ve discovered learning to trust again is not as easy as it sounds.
When trust is shattered when you are a child it is a wound that hides in the basement of our souls. Other wounds heal but trust seems to be the very last casualty. We learn to love again, to laugh again but to trust? The trouble is when trust is broken it affects every relationship. This wound, this slammed shut door does not allow us to be selective. If affects our ability to trust God too.
I have found myself ‘stuck’ in this place. I want to trust God with every fibre of my being but I have a knee-jerk reaction when I feel threatened in any way to grab control and protect myself. That’s why for the last two years I have asked God to show me men and women in scripture who struggled as I do.
What I discovered was less about them and more about God. It’s not that they became super-stars of the faith, it’s that they finally got it that God can be trusted. He is not like us, He cannot lie. When we understand that we are transformed. The apostle Peter went from a man who denied he ever knew Christ to a man who, at his execution told those crucifying him that he was not worthy to be killed in the same manner as Christ and requested that he be crucified upside down. Whether it was Abraham or Gideon, Mary or Peter what changed in them was a greater understanding of who God is.
My prayer has become, Lord I trust you, help me to trust you more.
I invite you to join me, open the cellar door on this wound and let the light of Christ shine in.
I am right there with you, Sheila. I never thought of trust as being "what love looks like," but that is so true.
It always saddens me when one of my children or my husband assumes that I will blast him for a failing that is totally understandable, that I have not proven myself trustworthy and unfailing in my love — and when they do come to me fully trusting that I will understand and show grace, I am delighted that the love between us is so strong. How many times has God been sad to see that I come cowering into the throne room, rather than crawling right up on His lap? I want more lap time and less cowering!
Thanks for the challenge to open the door….it's somehow easier when I know of others who are on a similar journey!
Trying to trust after being wounded, causes great panic in me everytime I try because "trusting" is what made me vulnerable and caused my trauma. Trust also ignites good feelings that my insides don't know what to do with because good doesn't feel good just yet.. My fears and thoughts have somehow convinced me that even God isn't safe. I am trying to trust that God isn't going to violate me, He isn't going to hurt me in any way. And that His love, even though it is so overwhelming sometimes and makes me panic, is so very safe.
i hear you and for decades have felt the same way (childhood sexual abuse was the trauma that broke my trust) when trust is broken it does something to the receiving mechanism in our soul..we know how to receive bad things but we don't know how to receive good thiings, and we must always be in control or we will get hurt….it is sooooooooo difficult to let God heal the brokenness and the ability to receive..letting God be in control might hurt…and like mrs beaver in narnia says, "course he's not safe but he's good"…so difficult to learn this on an emotional and experiential level…i am FINALLY beginning to after 5 years with a very good Christian counselor wh specializes in my kind of brokeness…sometimes you need help to heal, i pray that the Lord will lead you to someone who can listen, pray, and guide you on your journey to wholeness and healing, someone who can stand in the gap for you when you feel like you can't stand at all…hugs and prayers, cher
This is a hard teaching. Since God has always been with me, then He was there when the trust was broken in me. He allowed it to happen and even though I know He is not the one who brought evil into the world, how can I reconcile that He did not do what was necessary to protect me? So even when I am telling myself that I trust Him, there is a part of me bracing for what might happen if trusting means getting hurt again.
how do you overcome this? how do you get over it?
This is exactly the way I feel also. I am trying so hard to trust but like you, He was there when my trust was broken. Trying to trust again is the most treacherous journey I have ever been on. Pray for me.
Love your little girl picture Sheila..nice legs & a gorgeous smile :~} Looking forward to hearing more lessons on trust at Christ's Chapel, Erlanger Kentucky. My girls & I have much to learn about the face of love & trust. Thanks for sharing God's graces with us.
Thank you for sharing; This happens to be a big problem for me. When it
comes to trusting~ I honestly don’t know how.
Trust is love and a simple example is I Love my son so much I keep letting him borrow a few dollars from me even though I may not always be sure that he will pay me back, my love for him wants to give him another chance to trust that he will.
Beautifully said, Sheila. Thank you. You always manage to get to the heart of the matter for me.
Sheila, this was a great post. Something that hits home in so many ways. I think lack of trust is at the root of all our problems. Whether it’s a bad relationship, addiction, low self-worth, etc… ad infinitum… If we can’t trust God we’ll never trust ourselves not to mention others. Incredibly tricky this trust deal. It’s not a one time thing but must be dealt with on a daily, even momentarily, basis. Lack of trust, like any sin, can sneak up on us when we least expect it and cause us to waiver.
Count me in. My door is wide open and ready for God’s healing Light! Now I must get your book! Love you Sheila!
Recently, The Women's Bible study group I attend went through Sheila's book, "Beautiful Things Happen When A Woman Trusts God." The teachings were phenomenal.
Thank you Sheila for your obedience to God to share what He has taught you and desires to teach each and every one of us.
So glad you are talking about this. The inability to trust keeps us from true happiness, and yet I struggle so much with this.
I am learning each day that God is trustworthy and am hoping that by learning to trust God, that I will learn to trust myself and others.
Thanks again!
I have been amazed at the comments of Christian friends who were surpised at my traveling all alone from Texas to Bangkok, Thailand recently to spend time with my new grandson after my daughter gave birth there. I just said to them that if my daughter could travel alone to Bangkok to join her husband there to live in 2003, then why should I be afraid to go. I assume the same friends who made the remark also prayed for me to have a safe trip since they were so concermed about me… as for me, I just trusted that the same loving Heavenly Father who brought me through the grief of losing my sister earlier this year to brain cancer and who also brought my son-in-law through his grief of losing his mom to the same cancer only weeks before my grandson was born would also protect my family from additional grief and keep me safe on my journey.
Sheila, I struggle with that same thing. I had to fight so hard just to hold onto what little bit of me was left to keep myself from being totally destroyed. For me to go into fight mode is ingrained in me right now. I do it with God too, even though I know He is trying to help me and heal me. I have to be willing to give Him what is left of me, both the good and the bad, for Him to really heal me. Thanks for giving me more ideas on how to pray for me to trust Him more. Thank goodness He knows I want to trust Him and is willing to work with me where I am. It's really hard to trust Him when you don't know what is in that cellar and you are terrified of what is down there. I have to trust Him to know that He isn't going to reveal what is in that cellar until I am ready to handle it. He protected me for this long, and I have to trust Him that He'll continue to protect me until I can handle it and be there to pick up the pieces when it is time.
Interesting! I pray that Christ will shine in every sore spot in my inner being. The cellar door is open. I want to trust Him more.
Sheila, your light for Christ is so bright how can others not be drawn to Him who hear you speak.
I hope Santa brings me your book!
Blessings!
I feel like in our world today it is so hard to trust in anything or anyone. I was a teenage mother who struggled daily. I was 16 when I had my daughter and abortion was never an option. Being a wife and mother at that age was so difficult. My daughter will be 5 in January and for as long as I can remember I put my trust in everything and everyone. I would find myself being a wife and a mother and being so broken inside. I loved my daughter but the constant betrayal from my husband would keep me from really trusting that anyone could pick up the peices that were so torn. I finally realized that I was never going to find real love and peace in anything in this world but instead I would find it in Jesus Christ! I have accepted HIM and I have finally found that peace and love that no man can give! I no longer feel ashamed, I know that by the grace of God I am forgiven and I have learned to trust in HIM with my all. Thank you Shelia, in huge part it was because of you. When I heard you at WOF I knew that God had a purpose for my life and he put me there for a reason. I was saved and I never look back!
Sheila, I saw you at WOF in Spokane, WA earlier this fall. I bought your book but haven't read it yet.
I'm just realizing how deep my trust issues go.. The main crack, my most recent exposure when my 6 1/2 old son died 2 years ago. At first, I was clinging to God. And as we got further out, I started saying "Yeah, trusting God.. taht didnt' work out so well for me last time".. and then I started to believe it.
We're working on that. God is good. Thank you for sharing your journey as well.
Thank you for sharing. i have a big problem with trusting. after reading your blogs about your book WHEN A WOMAN TRUST GOD. i went to the christian book store and got my copy. my daughter has a swim meet this weekend and i am planning on starting to read the book then.
thank you for all that you do.
bold i approach the eternal throne…not me..i have always been like Esther cowering at the entrance to the throne room wondering if the king would hold out hissceptor or if i would perish..recently, recently as I was beginning to pray and imagining myself on the threshold timid and fearful as always..I saw a hand extending the sceptor and it was the cross, then i saw myself as a little child running right past the timid and fearful me, yelling at the top of my lungs.."DADDY< DADDY I hurt myself, DADDY DADDY , he hurt me..Daddy Daddy hold me…i crawled up into His lap and his left arm came round and held me close to his heart and His right arm, still holding the sceptor encircled me…after decades i am finally learning what TRUST looks like
Sheila, I would give a lot to be able to sit down and talk to someone like you for an hour.
Thank you for sharing your heart in these blogs – only in heaven will you begin to understand the scope of how God is using you to touch hearts and lives.
AND…you do it all with a fabulous sense of humor.
Well, if i\’m ever in your neck of the woods, lets grab a cup of coffee
I was abused in every way possible starting at the age of 3 yrs. old, both mother & father, I have forgiven . I get married , end up burying my 3 mo. old daughter 1985, then my husband of 20 yrs. Christmas of "98, on down the road I bury my 13 yr. old son Adam in 2004, but ah thats not all , my oldest son Thomas 24 yrs. old gets hit by a drunk driver , buried him 2007, I feel sometimes like I am cursed, I was forbidden to go church or anywhere besides school, The day my heavenly Father came into my life, I was 18 yrs. old I will never forget it, have always worked with various shelters, now I feel like a wall is between HE & I, I used to could feel HIM next to me, I don't have that anymore, I am only 48 yrs. old, am I just not hearing GOD? Thank you & please if you feel in your spirit that you should contact me please do.
ure sister in CHRIST Nancy
This is Nancy again I don''t know if I even give you my email, Godsimple@aol.com
Trust, it seems like God is really working on me in that area right now. I've finally admitted it is a huge issue for me. So glad I am not alone. Thanks for sharing your heart and spirit inspired wisdom. Much appreciated.
It is so hard to trust, especially in situations where there is such fear. I have found it hard to trust lately, because I knew the right thing to do, was the thing that would also cause some hurt to others. However, I also had to acknowledge, that in the long term, bringing into the light was the only way God could heal it. Trust can be so hard. But He has given me this verse to thrive on right now, ACKNOWLEDGE HIM in all your ways, and He will make your path straight. It may not be painless, but straight. So…one more time…day by day…i will choose to trust.
Trust is an element important in the word Believe. It is difficult to believe with all your heart without trusting. From the time 1 was 18 (or younger) Itrusted God for counsel and guidance. My ultimate desire was to be pleasing in His sight and to marry a man who would love the Lord with all his heart and we would bear children, and bring them up in His ways. I waited on the Lord and trusted He would bring this to be. I married at 41 to a man I believed was born-again and at 46 we are barren and he lives 2 lives. I struggle with trusting God as I feel like Rachel and Hannah who were barren, shunned and Rachal did not receive God's favor. How do trust God when He rejects you or does not show favor?
Trust. I have trust that He will provide for me. I lost my mother, I trust. I walked thru breast cancer, I trusted for healing. Now because of the cancer and surgery my husband has left me because he can not deal with reality after walking this path of healing with me for three years. I still trust the He will provide for me, but how to I trust the why? Laura Story's "Blessing" is playing right now . I feel it is my this is my life. Getting past 30 years of the love to now have the pain of betrayal. I am trusting my blessing is yet to come, just help keep me strong so I can walk toward the blessing. I trust that this is going to make me stronger and bring me closer to Him.